someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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