his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
