just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
