god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
