are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
