I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
