i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
