what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
