He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
