I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
