I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm just crazy horny about you
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
