Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
