Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it's like iHOP with fire
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We need to get me chipped asap
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
