Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
