Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
