I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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