It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
