I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
