Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
