That's intense
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
