You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
