Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
