I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
