I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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