I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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