I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
