Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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