Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
