mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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