Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
