You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
