If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
