Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
