lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
