i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
