I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
