So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well you can't waste a boner
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
