I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
