His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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