is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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