I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
