$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
