Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
