i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
