look no pants
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
