I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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