This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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