Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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