Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
