i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
